And oh the in-laws.
I mean, I have perhaps some of the most gracious and unassuming in-laws I could ever design. They babysit with glee, do dishes better than a butler, and this year, they even asked about almost every gift they gave the kids before giving it to them. I mean, can you ask for much better??
Yet still, well, there have been issues. Still, we are different from each other.
Go figure.
And those differences cause frustration. For a long while, it was those same differences that kept causing the same frustration over and over. So I would retreat and hide between them and my buffer {my guy, their son}. I would stuff it or leave the room or, on a good day, try to overlook it. But that frustration was still there—and it prevented us from the healthy relationship we needed to really enjoy our time together.
For a long while, I did not attribute the frustration to differences. I attributed it to intention. Like, why are they intentionally trying to frustrate me? Intentionally trying to thwart my plans or do it their own way?
But that was an inaccurate attribution. {And, I know my in-laws are wholeheartedly agreeing at this point in the post, since they are indeed my biggest fans.}
What I have learned about them and about myself over the past several years has changed the story of our relationship. How we are uniquely and naturally wired explains the “why and how” of what we do. Sometimes {ok, most times!} those “whys and hows” are dramatically different from one person to the next. And because those “whys and hows” are internal and invisible, we trip over them in sometimes wildly unexpected ways.
Understanding my in-laws’ talents and Strengths really changed that. It brought their “whys and hows” into the external and visible, which allowed me to not only successfully navigate but to even begin to appreciate the same behaviors I once saw as unavoidable land mines.
This week on Episode 14 of Isogo TV | Live and Work Your Strengths Video Podcast, I share about my own landmine experiences with my mother-in-law and how understanding the Strengths of family is a valuable starting place to turn full-out frustration into real appreciation.
If you have had a frustrating family moment this bustling season or beyond, this one is for you.
My relationship with my in-laws is not nearly perfect.
I’m sure my “why and how” could just about drive them bananas at times. We still have work to do. But now we are working with the tools and common language that will bring those invisible landmines out into the open.
So now, when I step on them, at least it was not unexpected.
May your remaining moments of 2015 be filled with family you love {including their “whys and hows”!}
LINKS | RESOURCES | a LITTLE ASK
Links & Resources from Today’s Episode
Bring It | Need It FREE Resource
Internal and Invisible, Tribute to Curt Liesveld | Isogo TV Episode 9
My little ask?
If you loved this Episode and think others would benefit from it, please rate and review over at iTunes. It helps get the word out to others just like you! And I really appreciate it.
As always, one of the best places to join the Strengths conversation is over at our Facebook Group — Energy Up Frustration Down by Strengths. Join us for weekly chatting, complaining and commending, as we all try to figure out just how to use our Strengths to impact the most important things around us—in our work and life.
In the meantime and beyond, I would love to hear from you and help you. So, if you’re thinking about the way a Strengths-perspective could impact your marriage or your family or you’re just not so sure about it all, reach out, and let’s connect about it. You can catch me at Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, all @isogostrong, or by this handy contact form.
Enjoy your day, and {be strong}!
